One day in an elementary school in Columbia, SC, a teacher asks her class if the South Carolina Gamecocks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, \"What\'s your favorite football team Jimmy?\"

Little Jimmy says, \"The Clemson Tigers \"

The teacher asks, \"Well, why is that?\"

Little Jimmy says, \"Well, my dad is a Tiger fan, my mom is a Tiger fan, I guess that makes me a Tiger fan.\"

The teacher angered by his reply says, \"If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?\"

Little Jimmy says, \"Well, I guess that would make me a South Carolina fan.\"

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Q: What do South Carolina and pot have in common?

A: They both get smoked in bowls!

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Steve Spurrier, the South Carolina Gamecocks\'s football coach, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around when they came to a modest little house with a faded Gamecocks flag in the window.

\"This house is yours for eternity,\" said God. \"This is very special, not everyone gets a house up here.\"

The coach felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion that had a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Clemson Tigers flag, and in every window was the Clemson logo.

The coach looked at God and said, \"God, I\'m not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was a good coach. I went to bowl games, sent a bunch of my players on to the pros, and I turned around the entire South Carolina football program.\"

God said, \"So, what\'s your question?\"

\"Well,\" said the coach, \"why does Tommy Bowden get a better house than me?\"

God responded, \"That\'s not Tommy Bowden\'s house, it\'s mine.\"

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One foggy night, a Clemson fan and a South Carolina fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Clemson. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The South Carolina fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, \"Man, I\'m lucky to be alive!\"

Likewise, the Tiger fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The South Carolina fan walks over to the Tiger fan and says, \"Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals.\"

The Tiger fan thinks for a moment and says, \"You know, you\'re absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I\'m going to see if something else survived the wreck.\"

The Tiger fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel\'s. He says to the Gamecock fan, \"I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship.\" The Gamecock fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After ****ing down half of the bottle, the Gamecock fan hands it back to the Tiger fan and says, \"Your turn!\"

The Tiger fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, \"Nah, I think I\'ll just wait for the cops to show up.\"

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Q: How many South Carolina fans does it take to ***** in a light bulb?

A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

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Q: What\'s the difference between a South Carolina fan and a carp?

A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum ****er, and the other is a fish.

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Q: What\'s the hardest thing about being a South Carolina Gamecock fan?

A: Telling your parents that you\'re gay.

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Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

A: On the University of South Carolina campus. That\'s the last place you would find a football player.

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Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of South Carolina weddings?

A: To keep the flies off the bride.

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Q: Why don\'t South Carolina Gamecocks fans let their kids play in sand boxes?

A: Because cats keep covering them up.

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A South Carolina Gamecocks fan walks into a doctor\'s office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, \"How can I help you?\" The frog replies, \"I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt.\"

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Q: Did you hear about the University of South Carolina fan who locked his keys in his car?

A: He couldn\'t get his family out.

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Q: Why do University of South Carolina fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

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Two University of South Carolina fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first South Carolina fan says to the second, \"Boy, I wish I could do that.\"

The second South Carolina fan replies, \"Yeah, me too. But I wouldn\'t try it.\"

The first South Carolina fan asks, \"Why not?\"

The second South Carolina fan replies, \"Because I\'m afraid the dog might bite me.\"

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Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of South Carolina campus?

A: A visitor.

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Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of South Carolina library?

A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

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Q: Did you hear about the fire in the University of South Carolina\'s football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn\'t been colored yet.

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Q: Do you know why the University of South Carolina football team should change its name to the \"Opossums\"?

A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

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Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of South Carolina campus?

A: The officials had to check ID\'s before letting any of the Gamecocks cheerleaders back on board.

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Q: What does the average University of South Carolina student get on his SAT?

A: Drool.

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Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the South Carolina Gamecocks?

A: Six more weeks of bad football.

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Q: What should you do if you find three University of South Carolina fans buried up to their neck in cement?

A: Get more cement.
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Q: How do you make University of South Carolina cookies?

A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

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Q: What do you get when you cross University of South Carolina fan and a pig?

A: Nothing. There\'s some things that a pig will not do.

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Q: How many University of South Carolina freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, it\'s a sophomore course.

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Columbia News Report: Football practice in Columbia was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Steve Spurrier, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

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Q. What did the South Carolina graduate say to the Clemson graduate?

A. \"Welcome to McDonald\'s. May I take your order, please?\"

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Did you hear about the Gamecock fan who was so upset that the Tigers beat South Carolina that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

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It was reported that South Carolina head football coach Steve Spurrier will only be dressing twenty players for the Clemson game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

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A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, \"Wanna hear a good South Carolina joke?\"

The guy next to him replies, \"Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I\'m 6\' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a South Carolina grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6\' 2\" tall, weighs 225, and he\'s a South Carolina grad. And the fella next to him is 6\' 5\" tall, weighs 250, and he\'s a South Carolina grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?\"

The first guy says, \"No, not if I\'m gonna have to explain it three times.\"

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Why don't they have Christmas in Chapel Hill?
-They can't find a virgin and three wise men.

What's the difference between a porcupine and the Dean Dome?
- a porcupine has 30,000 pricks on the outside.

What do you call 30 Carolina fans in a basement?......... A whine cellar. .

What's the first thing a UNC girl
does when she wakes up in the morning?
-Walks home.

What is the difference between a UNC
fan and a three-week-old puppy?
-Eventually the puppy will stop whining.

What do you call three beautiful women in Chapel Hill?
Lost.

Did you hear that Nike is coming out with a new shoe in March called "The Final Four?"
The special feature has no Heels.

Did you hear they were going to change the UNC mascot from a ram to a possum?
It's because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

How many UNC grads work for the Psychic Network?
None. They can't talk about the future...they only talk about the past.

How can you tell if a Carolina guy is a virgin?
He can outrun his roommate.

Why is it so windy in Durham?
Because Chapel Hill sucks.

UNC researchers announced that they've just discovered another use for sheep:..... Wool.

Q: How many guys from Carolina does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 2, but they have to be really small.